Begin Again

It’s two weeks into the new year and it’s amazing how much my life has changed already! I’m halfway through my internship at Substance Church and I have grown so much just within these last few months. It’s crazy to think about where God has taken me this past year. I’m at a place in my life that is so much better than I could’ve ever imagined and none of it is by my doing! I also recently started dating someone. He is absolutely wonderful in every single way. He is kind, and sweet and caring and makes me laugh in ways I haven’t laughed in years! He makes me smile on a daily basis and above all, he is a legit man of God. He blows me away with his strong character and his ability to see the good in everyone he meets and in every situation he’s in. But as good as he is, (because he absolutely is!) he’s not what I want to talk about. Since I haven’t written anything in quite some time, my last few blog posts were on being single. And since I am no longer single, I thought it would still be good to write about how God is continuing to pursue my heart, even though I have someone else who has taken my heart too.

Being in a relationship is great. But it wouldn’t be great if I were dating just for the sake of dating. I always told myself that I wasn’t just going to date anybody. No. I was saving my heart for someone I knew would honor it and take care of it. I wasn’t going to just throw my heart around to any guy that came along and said he was interested in me (because trust me, it happened more than I ever thought it would!) And while they were all nice guys, there were a lot of red flags that came up that stopped me from even considering dating any of them. Some of them still need to mature a little bit more, not just spiritually, but in how to pursue women and do it in a right way. You can’t act around girls the same way you do your guy friends. I mean, you can, but not if you want to date her. A woman’s heart is unique. It longs to be pursued. It wants to be cherished and a girl wants  to be made to feel like she is uniquely special from all the other girls out there.

I spent a lot of time over the past year and a half that I was single trying to figure out me. What made me me. And while I longed to have someone special in my life, I knew that God would only allow that not only when I was ready but when he was ready too (the man God had for me). There is a lot of groups, especially at churches and Christian colleges that talk about how to “not look for the ‘right’ person for you, but how to become the ‘right’ person for someone” and while I agree that we should be working on ourselves and try to emanate qualities that we would also want to attract, our main focus in life should NOT be about finding your future spouse! I think too many people are too obsessed with finding the right one, or trying to become the right one, but aren’t spending enough time one trying to be a better them! Why can’t people just work on themselves without trying to make themselves into someone who they think someone else might want? Try to be a better person who GOD made you to be, and stop trying to be a better person because you think it’ll get you a husband faster. It won’t.

I’m not saying I am completely perfect at this. I’m most definitely not. I did my fair share of complaining how I was going to be single and alone with 30 cats for my whole life because “all my friends were in relationships”. I definitely complained how I “should” be in a relationship because I am such a catch (but really I am). I was definitely not completely content with being single.  And I don’t think you have to be completely content being single before God brings you a relationship. God gave me a desire to want someone in my life. He knew that that is something I longed for and wished I had. God knew that. But there was nothing I could do or couldn’t do to make God speed up His timing. Nope. I just had to trust Him and seek Him. And by seeking Him what I did gain was the knowledge that most people know, but so often overlook. That God is ALWAYS with us. He will never forsake us. He loves us at our most unlovable times and He sees our hearts in all of their ugliness and He still WANTS to be with us! God is SO in love with me. And I knew that God want to make sure that I absolutely knew that before He would bring me into another relationship.

This year has been amazing so far. I have changed so much like I said before. I am growing each day in new understanding of who I am in Christ and who I am to those around me. God has blessed me more than I could ever possibly imagine. And even though right now, my life is pretty good, I still need to seek after God with an utter dependence on Him. I cannot rely on people in my life in the way I am supposed to rely on God. They cannot take His place. I am working on me this year, just like I was last year, and how I will continue to do into the years to come. I want to be made more into a likeness of Jesus and have a heart like His. Anything else, whether it be a relationship, job, or whatever, is just an added bonus to my already amazing life with Christ.

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