Here’s the thing. Being single for a while, insecurities can creep in on you. Especially having loved and lost. You feel the heartbreak, you feel the loneliness on those long nights. You feel rejected and alone. You wonder if you can ever find love again.
My biggest fear being single is wondering if I can ever find someone to truly love me. The whole me, the real me. All the bits and pieces and all the broken pieces that have been left behind. Will I ever find another hand to hold? Will I ever find someone to give me forehead kisses and bring me coffee at work just because?
I’m a weird person. I have weird quirks about me. I like playing video games. I like watching zombie movies, I love to randomly research facts about almost everything and I will also randomly research Greek words for my Bible studies. I hate brownies and peanut butter. I hate eating spaghetti in front of people. I get really passionate about stupid things sometimes. I have an extreme fear of bugs. I like my routines. There’s a lot about me that I wonder will I ever find someone that not only likes those bits about me but really wants to be with me because I’m that way.
My biggest fear is that I’ll find someone but then something or another will change their mind and they’ll walk out on me again. I need a man who is secure enough in who he is and what he wants and stick with it! I guess my biggest fear really isn’t fear of not finding love again, but rather the past repeating itself.
Now hear me out, I’m not sitting at home crying myself to sleep at night because I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m just trying to be real here with real feelings that I know a lot of girls feel, especially post-breakups. I know that I am not going to be single forever. God created in me a desire to have a husband and I know that He will provide the right man at the right time. I know that that man will love everything about me and so much more. But unless people are upfront about their insecurities and honest with how they feel, it puts up a roadblock and you just stay stuck. I know what I need to work on. It’s what I have been working on for a year now, becoming a better me so I can be a good partner for someone hopefully sometime soon.