Control

I’m going to make this a short post mostly because I don’t want to over think things.

I SUCK at giving up control. Even when I know it’s probably for the best. My life has been so out of control for the past year and half that if I can find any way to control what’s going on in my life, I do it. I like going for drives for that reason. Whenever I am feeling stressed or anxious, I like taking drives, to nowhere in specific. Why? Because I can control that. I can control where I am going, I control where I have been and it makes me feel like I actually have a say in what happens in my life. It’s really hard for me to give control up to God, though. Even though I am fully aware that He provides and can take care of me and my needs in a way that is far, far superior to what I can do on my own. It’s hard because I can’t see God. I can’t see where He is in the situation. I can’t see where He’s taking me, I can’t see what’s in front of me. I have no way of knowing that what’s in front of me is actually good and best for me. All I have is blind trust and the assumption of what I know of God that some “guy in the sky” is looking after me somehow, and I have to trust that. It’s actually a crazy scenario when you really think about it. Trusting a seemingly “imaginary” person up there.

It’s hard. It really is. To give up control of your own life. To not know. To sit in the moments of not knowing and force yourself to trust God because with Him everything will somehow all work out, all the while you’re going crazy inside because you’re dying to know WHY! It’s hard and it sucks. It really does. I have a lot of questions I would like answered. And hopefully one day I’ll get them. It’s hard resting in the presence of God when your life feels so chaotic. But I take comfort in this:

“When God permits suffering, He also provides comfort”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 (NIV)

God does not waste heartache and nothing is done in vain when we are in Him.

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